4 days to go... and self image struggles...

4 days to go until my first international distance triathlon... and I had my first tingles of nerves today.  It is a very excited nervousness... I can't wait to line up at the water's edge... at the same time I keep thinking "What in the HECK am I doing!?"  I go through this emotional rollercoaster before every race, but more so when it is a new venue, distance, or type of race. 

This triathlon is more than double what I've done in the past...
... it is a race I haven't done before, in a place I'm not familiar with...
Yes... I need to breathe and trust in the training I've done... and trust in myself... which is my mantra at the moment. 

So... SELF IMAGE... I wanted to buy a new shirt to wear for this race... and I had a dilemma that I wish I was over by now.  I wanted to wear a shirt that would help my family spot me as they were cheering me on (my parents, kids and Jeff, and several of my YMCA family will be at the race.)  But then images popped into my head that were taken of me during my last several races... that were not only unflattering, but darn embarrassing to me.  My belly flopping... my boobs about to take an eye out... my butt filling up the camera lens.  Yes, I still struggle with my self image... even after losing over 50 pounds... even after I won my first triathlon category... and finished my first century.  I still struggle with seeing photos of AN ATHLETE... the determination on my face... the strength in my legs... and, if I turned the camera around, the pride in Jeff's face as he watches me race...

I did buy a new shirt for the race... I wonder which side of my dilemma won out!  Any guesses?

The weight loss game... photos

This weight game is certainly that... a game.  There are rules and strategy and, right now, I'm feeling like I don't know how to play.  I only went up about 1/2 pound, yet I just went down another size in my pants and I am now buying almost exclusively Large shirts (not XL or 14/16).  How can it be that I have been on a plateau (+ or - 5 pounds) for the past 6 months, but have gone down 2 sizes in my clothes?  Hummmmm...?

196.4 pounds

197 pounds

My utlimate goal is to fit into size 9 clothes, and I'm not sure what that weight number will look like.  Last time I was in a size 9, I weighed 155 pounds and was 11 years younger... but now, I'm training 5-6 times a week... we will see where I end up... maybe it is time for measurements again!

How we push through... Mind vs. Body...

The finish line of the 2011 Mission Bay
Triathlon... where I took 1st place in
my division... and I suffered!

I read an awesome article in the January/February 2012 issue of "Inside Triathlon" called, "What Quits First?  The Body or the Mind?" by Matt Fitzgerald.  As the article tag line stated, "Science suggests that one's capacity to suffer is what truly separates elite athletes from amateurs."  

One's...
              ... capacity...
                                     ... to suffer...

... That made me think.  I have learned that so much of physical training and racing is mental.  One of my favorite spin coaches at the Palomar YMCA points this out to us all the time.  Stephanie reminds us to "calm our faces" when we are working hard and showing pain in our grimaced looks.  She reminds us to focus on our breathing and she regularly tells the class "calming catch phrases" that I repeat in my head all the time when I'm training or racing.  Stephanie tells us to "turn off our mind" and to keep thinking, "I can do this.  Trust in my training.  I've done this before and I will push through it again.  Relax your upper body and the rest of your body will relax, too."  I often remind everyone here to "change the soundtrack in your head."  Turn off the negative voices and replace them with positive reinforcements such as good music or, as Stephanie suggests, uplifting and supportive catch phrases.

As Mr. Fitzgerald points out as he disects the Success of Ironman phenom, Dave Scott, "[Dave] has the mental perseverance to out-endure anyone in the race.  It's not physical; it's the mental concentration." I TOTALLY agree!

But, I think that we can apply this thinking to much more than elite athletes winning races and setting records.   We all visit this blog for our own reasons... weight loss support... gaining self confidence... being reminded to flirt and play with our spouse... or simply inspiration for any or all of it.  We have to push through our own capacity to suffer to succeed in anything we do. 

Do we suffer in order to lose weight?  YES! 
Do we suffer while we examine our insecurities and push through our comfort zone?  YES!
Do we suffer when we risk being turned down/ignored as we try to reconnect/flirt with our spouse?  YES! 
Are these all the same type of suffering... to the same degree... NO!  But I think I've made my case that we all need to "suffer," "push through," "sacrifice" in order to reach our goals.  Am I ever going to be an Ironman Athlete?  No.  But I am going to BUST DOWN my comfort zone, my weight handicaps, and make sure that I REACH MY GOALS... no matter what I "suffer" because my goals are worth it!

... we interrupt this program... HOLY COW!

 ... soooooooo... I was in the middle of a GREAT post (which will come tomorrow) when the phone rang...

View from our front yard...

... and it was my 22 year old daughter (whose boyfriend lives across the street) telling me to lock the doors and look out the window... there was an "armed and dangerous" person in the immediate neighborhood and they didn't know where he was. 
I had a play date going on with 2 other neighborhood girls at that moment.  So...

1.  I gathered the girls in the only room in the house with no windows and told them we were playing a game...
2.  I locked all the doors.
3.  I called friend "Officer Seltmann" with a "WHAT IN THE H..." phone call... and about an hour later...

Long story short, the "bad guy" was hiding in Jessica's boyfriend's garage... across the street and one house down... they pulled him out with the K-9 unit... too many details to list here, but I have to say... we still don't know what this kid was wanted for... or what he was doing... but our ESCONDIDO POLICE DEPARTMENT was LARGE and in CHARGE... (and now my kids will disinherit me for saying something so silly...)

I've never been through something like this before... and I wouldn't trust anyone more that our EPD to keep me and my family safe! 

UPDATE:  Looking back on all of this, it is really scary to think that when my daughter called me to tell me to lock the doors, the "bad guy" had already gotten into and was hidding in the garage, at the house she was calling me from...

Speed Road Bike Trial with Jeff... Fiesta Island...

14 days until my first International Distance Triathlon (Desert Tri... 3/4 mile swim, 24 mile bike, 6.2 mile run)...


Ready to race...?  Jeff has 30+ years experience on me...
one day, Sweetheart... I will beat you! 



Today, Jeff took me to Fiesta Island for a "speed trial..."  The Desert Tri 24 mile bike is VERY flat, and since we live in San Diego, which is the "Land 'o Hills," there aren't many places that you can ride... flat... for miles at a time without a stop sign or signal or hill.  So Jeff decided that we would drive the 40 minutes to Fiesta Island and do a full out, speed race...

... and all was good, until we found out there was a college triathlon on the island.  By the time we got there, they were finishing up, which meant a TON of traffic on the single lane road.  So on each 4 mile loop, we had to slow and/or STOP, TWICE each loop.  I chalk it up as good "cluster" training for the race.  Oh, and one more thing... anyone that has ridden on Fiesta Island knows there is a MAJOR head wind on one side of the island... unless it is a cloudy, windy day like today when pretty much the ENTIRE loop had a head wind!



My borrowed Orbea bike... THANK YOU, Uncle Dave,
you have helped to make my racing dreams come true!!!



Again... no problem.  We are going to add this training route to our regular schedule (babysitting permitting) because the headwind training is GREAT!!! 

Long story short... I want to do 20 MPH at the Desert Tri... and today, with the head wind and all the stopping... I averaged 18.9MPH!!!

The race will be flat... closed course... no head wind... and I am already at 18.9MPH... WOOO HOOO...

I WILL TOTALLY MEET MY GOAL FOR THE RACE!  I have said it before and I will say it again... BIG... GIRLS... CAN... RACE!!!

For my Valentine... MUSIC DAY... "Somebody..."

THIS is what love feels like... after all these years... this is the "after" photo
of a special kiss... I had finished my first Century bike ride, grabbed my
husband and training partner, and planted a big kiss.
And... after 9 hours of sweat and grime...
... he still blushed in this photo...
OHHHHHHHH, I LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART!

Short and sweet... I love my husband. 

He makes me smile...

... laugh...

... work to reach my goals...

... and focus when I get distracted...

... he makes me melt...

... and makes me better...

... he helps me grow and stretch and holds me when I cry...

... he is the head of our household...

... and he ROCKS my world...

Tonight, I have a special Music Day for Jeff.  Although this song was sung from the male point of view, it can be interpreted both ways.  Jeff, you know I am your "Somebody," and you are mine, too!  Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetheart!  Depeche Mode, "Somebody."

Look who skipped right over 197... PHOTOS!

YEP!!!  That would be ME!   I just hit my lowest weight since I started this journey... AND with a sprained ankle!  I have 3 weeks until the Desert Triathlon and I haven't been able to run in almost 3 weeks.  HOWEVER, I am swimming like a fish and my timed pull swim workouts seem to be doing the trick!  Jeff and I did a 3-hour bike ride yesterday with (2) Cat 5 climbs and (2) Cat 4 climbs and I didn't stop on ANY of them... in fact, I felt stronger and faster than ever!  Downhill... still struggling with confidence, but trying to let it fly... OK... "fly" is not a word I should use when describing the way I descend, but I'm getting faster...

198.0 pounds

196.4 pounds



I just LOVE these photos... do you see what I see?  For the first time, that darn blue shirt HAS WRINKLES!  Look at those wrinkles around my center... and my arms... and my neck...  I may actually wear that shirt in public at some point in the future!  54 pounds down... 1 day at a time... 1 choice at a time... :-)

YMCA... My Story...

Anyone following my blog for any amount of time knows the following...

1.  I have worked my tush off to lose over 50 pounds...

2.  I love training for and racing in triathlons...
3.  Self confidence is your best friend...
4.  Taking time EVERYDAY to be My Husband's Girlfriend is my PLEASURE (and his, too!)...
5.  All of the above have been possible because of the training, support, inspiration and friendships that I have received at the Palomar YMCA!

I have been so blessed to have a husband give me the BEST JOB EVER... Homemaker... for the past 8 years.  Money has been tight as we raised 3 kids, survived cancer, and volunteered our hearts out at our kids' schools. 

BUT, there is something else.  You all know that I train at MY YMCA.  It is not a "gym."  I spent years at other "gyms" feeling inadequate, falling behind, and having no direction or support. The Palomar YMCA is a HOME!  You WORK! You SWEAT!  And everyone takes the time to support everyone else! 

For the first time in 9 YEARS, I am a volunteer campaign Division Manager for my YMCA.  The YMCA is a non-profit organization that NEVER turns anyone away for the inability to pay for service.  I can tell you  there are several people on our team that have RECEIVED FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE that are now raising money to help raise funds for the next family that will need help.

REALLY!!!?  Families that have received financial assistance now working to raise money for other families!!!?  YES!  That is what we do in Escondido and what the YMCA does around the world!  I would love it if you would donate to my online page at https://www.ymca.org/securepayment/branch/profile.php?branch_id=31&cmpr_code=TLOCHE.. or PLEASE donate to your local YMCA. 

It is not a "gym."  It is a HOME.  OUR home!

Photos...

Well... a week after spraining my ankle and modifying my workouts, I didn't gain any weight! :-)  I'm still at 198.0.  52 pounds down... I'll take it!


198.0 pounds



198.0 pounds





I'm only 1/2 pound away from my lowest weight so far in this journey... 197, you are MINE next week! :-)

Music Day... powered by my favorite Superbowl commercial...

I'm still not sure what I think about all of the Superbowl commercials being released BEFORE the Superbowl... after all, the only reason I watch the Superbowl is for the commercials and the half time show... actually, I don't watch the game... the family yells, "COMMERCIAL!" every time the game breaks so I can come running from whatever else I'm doing in the house to see those $3 million 30-second ads.

I'm sure there will be several ads I will love this year, but I already have my favorite!  As an 80's gal, "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" was one of my favorite movies and the new commercial for Honda is AWESOME!  And, of course, I was reminded of a great song that I added to my workout play list this weekend... Yello's, "Oh Yeah!"  There is something about the music pumping in my ears, and hearing that deep base voice... "OHHHHHH YEAH"  and the "chick-i-chi-ka" that really helps power my work out!  (on a side note, I've never seen that music video before... just listen to the song... the video is one of the lamest I've ever seen...) Have a great Superbowl Sunday... no matter what part of the broadcast you watch!

It's the little things... like wedding rings...

Yesterday, I was watching Jeff dry his hair as he was getting ready for work... and my eyes focused on his wedding ring.  Within an instant, I started smiling and feeling all giddy inside.  That ring is a part of Jeff... just like his gorgeous eyes, warm smile, and strong arms that give me the best hugs!  It makes me happy to know what that ring signifies for us and that the day I put it on his finger, was the day that he chose to spend the rest of his life loving me.

My mind also instantly flashed to the few times his ring has come off.  Just before his surgeries, Jeff asked me to take his ring off his finger and wear it on my thumb until I was allowed to put it right back where it belonged.  Isn't it funny that something as little as the glance of his wedding ring can get me acting like a school girl... and I LOVE it!

Notice the little things... give the memories a few moments to flood back... and embrace the warm tingle of emotion as they start in your big toe and end with a big smile on your face.  And then share that smile... and those tingles... with your husband.  :-)