Wednesday, February 29, 2012

4 days to go... and self image struggles...

4 days to go until my first international distance triathlon... and I had my first tingles of nerves today.  It is a very excited nervousness... I can't wait to line up at the water's edge... at the same time I keep thinking "What in the HECK am I doing!?"  I go through this emotional rollercoaster before every race, but more so when it is a new venue, distance, or type of race. 

This triathlon is more than double what I've done in the past...
... it is a race I haven't done before, in a place I'm not familiar with...
Yes... I need to breathe and trust in the training I've done... and trust in myself... which is my mantra at the moment. 

So... SELF IMAGE... I wanted to buy a new shirt to wear for this race... and I had a dilemma that I wish I was over by now.  I wanted to wear a shirt that would help my family spot me as they were cheering me on (my parents, kids and Jeff, and several of my YMCA family will be at the race.)  But then images popped into my head that were taken of me during my last several races... that were not only unflattering, but darn embarrassing to me.  My belly flopping... my boobs about to take an eye out... my butt filling up the camera lens.  Yes, I still struggle with my self image... even after losing over 50 pounds... even after I won my first triathlon category... and finished my first century.  I still struggle with seeing photos of AN ATHLETE... the determination on my face... the strength in my legs... and, if I turned the camera around, the pride in Jeff's face as he watches me race...

I did buy a new shirt for the race... I wonder which side of my dilemma won out!  Any guesses?

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